12/26/09

Christmas 2009

Lucy sitting on her great grandpa's lap Christmas Eve.

Clara and her new puppy Sonny the Schnoodle.

Lucy loved tearing the paper.

And chewing on everything.

Clara and Lucy on Christmas morning at my parents.

Chewing and eating paper.

Looking cute in her purple jammies and red socks.

Lucy's new bookshelf that my dad made for her. Now we just need a day without rain/snow so we can get it home!

As you can see we had a wonderful time celebrating Lucy's first Christmas.  She received many lovely gifts.  It was so much fun to see her get excited about new toys.  Lucy did very well with all the excitement and staying up late. I'm looking forward to what 2010 has in store for us.

happy holidays


We are enjoying our little Lucy's first Christmas. We feel blessed and loved. Pictures to come.

12/9/09

month seven

Today marks 7 months since I first met my little girl. She is such a joy and keeps me busy. Here are a few things we have been up to this past month.

We helped daddy put up lights outside.
Started sitting up without falling over.

Put up our Christmas tree.

Met Santa and Mrs. Claus.

It has been a busy and exhausting month!!

11/17/09

being a mom



Before I was a mom I always knew that there were sacrifices that parents make for their children. Now that I've had the privilege of being a mommy for 6 months I know just what that means.  When I was pregnant I can remember laying in bed at night, trying to fall asleep between my numerous trips to the bathroom, wondering how I would cope with the lack of sleep when she was born.  Six months in and I don't think I've had more than 3 hours of sleep at a time.  There are few reasons for this: my husband's sleeping habits, our dog Barbie and Lucy.  Surprisingly I have adjusted to the lack of a full night's sleep. Generally I can make it through the day without feeling like total crap. Amazing how the body can adjust.  I guess it pretty much has to. 

Today I had to be out of town for a conference for my job. I had to be out of the house an hour earlier than normal and got home an hour later than normal.  That is the longest I have been away from my baby since she was born.  I thought for sure I would be fighting sleep by the end of the day, but I was totally fine.  I think the change in routine did me some good!!  Being gone all day also presented the issue of pumping on the road.  I took advantage of the morning and afternoon conference breaks do run out to the car and do this.  I have done this before but this time I had my mom's car and the windows are not tinted as dark as they are in my car.  I was creative and managed to be discreet.  At least I think I was!!  When I was sitting out in the freezing cold I had a good chuckle.  I thought about how ridiculous I must have looked with my jacket on backwards.  I also thought about all the time that I have put into pumping.  Lately I have been struggling with my supply again.  Seems to be an ongoing battle for me.  I still do not have a back up supply.  Most days I have to top off her bottles at lunch with the milk from my morning pumpings.  By now I figured that I would be able to keep up and even be ahead.  Is there anyone out there who has had similar issues?  Is there anyone who is even still reading this blog?  Ha! My goal is to breastfeed until she is a year old.  It is such a part of my daily routine now and I'm not ready to give up.  I will admit though that I look forward to the day when I can be away from her for a few hours without worrying about bottles and pumps! 

I'm not the first mommy to sacrifice time, sleep, sanity for their children and I will not be the last.  I think about my chidhood and how wonderful my mom was and it makes me smile. I know she gave up a lot to take care of my brothers and I.  Heck, she still does.  She's the kind of mom I want to be.  We are closer now than we ever have been and I think that is pretty neat.  I love you mom thank you for all you do/have done for my little family. You're the best.

11/9/09

1/2 year

Lucy is now 1/2 a year old.  The days are going by so quickly.  She is sitting up now fairly well on her own.



She is eating veggies like a champ. Fruits on the other hand she does not care for.  We have attempted banana, apples and pears so far. All of which she pushed back out and gave us a face such as:

I've got pears on reserve in the freezer for when she decides that fruits are no longer yucky. In a few days I'll give another fruit a go.  Any suggestions?




She continues to do very well during the day at the sitter's.  She gets to spend the day with her cousin which I think is pretty special.  I can already see a bond forming between them.  Going to work is becoming a little more difficult for me at times.  There are days when I just want to stay home and play. My evening are soooo short.  Lucy does not nap much during the day so by around 6:30 at night she is pretty much spent and wants to nurse and go to sleep.  Until recently she has been pretty much sleeping through the night.  Sleeping through the night in Lucy terms is until around 5:30.  This past week she has been waking up sometime in the middle of the night wanting to eat.  I'm guessing it has something to do with a growth spurt.  Hopefully she will get over that soon!  All that to say that I do not have much time to spend with her in the evenings and that makes me sad. There have been a few mornings that I shed a few tears before I left for work. It's hard leaving her, but it makes me feel better when I take her the sitter's and she smiles and reaches for her.  I know she is in excellent hands and is happy.

We are still cloth diapering full time. I love it. I do a load of diapers every other day. 



She is primarily wearing size 3-6 month. There are still a few 0-3 in her closet that fit but they really should be packed away because they are summery.  Last week I got all of the next size up clothing washed. It's fun to go through all the clothes and make new outfits.  Then there are the shoes.  Oh, for the love of cute little tiny pink shoes. Help me. I see an addiction coming on.



Lucy does really well when we are out and about. This past Saturday the girls in my family went on our annual outing for my grandma's birthday. Every November for over 20 years we have been getting together.  We go somewhere different every year.  We have shopped the various malls from St. Louis to Chicago.  Several years ago we took the train to Chicago and stayed the weekend.  It was an adventure to say the least.  It is always a great time full of laughs.  The past couple of years we have scaled down the shopping and just gone to eat at different tea rooms.  It was so neat to be able to bring my daughter along for the first time.  Here is a picture of our group this year. Mindi, my sister-in-law, is the only one missing out of it because she was taking it. 




It is so incredible to watch the bond between Lucy and her dad develop. Tommy has been around more now that he is not working midnights and is enjoying having more time to spend with her. 



It has been an incredible 6 months.  Tonight when I was laying her down I paused to look in the mirror while she was still in my arms.  It is just so much to take in that she is mine and only 6 months ago she was brand new to this world.  How did I get so lucky?  There are still a lot of days that my heart is heavy for the baby that I lost.  It is something that I have not talked much about. I thought that having Lucy in my life would make the loss easier.  It has but at the same time it is almost more difficult.  I can't really put it into words right now and I don't want to bring down this post.  God has blessed us so much over the 6 months and I can't wait to see what the next 6 brings.  Excuse me now, I must go take a peek at my sweet little girl....

10/18/09

green beans and videos


We tried out the high chair for the first time tonight. As you can see she is a very good eater. Here she is eating green beans with a little cereal.

Just for fun here are a few links to some videos of Lucy on YouTube:
(I was so surprised to actually catch her first time rolling over on video. You can hear the surprise in my voice. She has been rolling from her belly to her back since August, but this (10-6-09) was the first time from her back to her belly!)

(My mom is feeding her acorn squash for the first time.  As you can tell she is a fan!)

(Lucy thinks Barbie is pretty funny and Barbie likes to entertain.)

10/4/09

more food for Lucy


This weekend I tried my hand at making some food for Lucy. I bought some fresh veggies from a local farmer on Friday. That night I dove right in and cooked some butternut squash. It was super easy to do and just a little messy. It did not take that long at all and the savings are tremendous! We now have Lucy portions of butternut squash, sweet potatoes and acorn squash in the freezer. It was a lot of fun for me to do. I feel so good about taking a little time out to make something healthy for my little one.



I'd say she's worth the extra effort. Wouldn't you?

10/1/09

not giving up

The other day I mentioned that I was having a hard time keeping up with Lucy's daytime feedings. Fast forward to today and she is now eating cereal twice a day and taking at least one 8 ounce bottle at the sitter's. The other bottle she takes is 5 ounces. Another ounce goes with her cereal. Um, yeah that is a lot of ounces and momma is having a difficult time.

When I was pregnant with Lucy I knew that I wanted to breastfeed. In my mind there was not another option. It has been such a stressful thing for me lately, but I'm not giving up. At the beginning of August my supply drastically dropped. I spoke with my Dr. and a lactation consultant from the hospital where I delivered. After some discussion we decided that it was best for me to stop taking birth control. It did not take long at all for my supply to jump back up. Now here I am two months later in a similar situation. I called the lactation consultant again today. We discussed a normal day for Lucy and I to try to figure out what I can do. Basically I'm already doing everything that she suggested. She said that I could try to take an herb called Fenugreek. After doing a little research I decided to give it a try. I am set on not giving her any formula even if it means that I have to get up in the middle of the night to pump!! The down side to being so dedicated to this is that I feel like my life revolves around my boobs. I'm constantly thinking about when I need to pump again or when Lucy will want to nurse again. It is wearing me down. I feel like I have not been very attentive in the other areas of my life. I don't even remember what I ate for lunch today. Most of the time when someone is talking to me I have to make an effort to pay attention to what they are saying. I'm not myself and it sucks. Is it worth it? Absolutly. Will we get over this hump? Sure. Will I be a little out of sorts until then? Most likely. Bear with me friends and family it might be a little rough for a while.

9/28/09

cereal, diapers and mommy


Yesterday was a big day for my little girl, she tried some rice cereal for the first time. She has been very interested in whatever I'm eating or drinking so I decided that she might be letting me know that she is ready to try some "solids". I mixed up a little cereal with some breast milk. It was more milk than anything. The first few bites she was not really sure what she was supposed to do. It didn't take her long to figure things out. She was even grabbing the spoon and pulling it towards her mouth. She has been taking 6 ounces of milk during the day at the sitter's. I have been having a really hard time keeping up with her. I generally have to pump at least one time in the evening to get enough milk for her. It is worth the effort though.

She is now in cloth diapers full time. Honestly it has not been difficult at all for me to transition to the laundry. Tommy has even commented that it isn't that much work and he doesn't know why more people don't use cloth! If I can convince the guy who can't put his socks in the hamper I think that just about anyone can do it. Ha.

We are still having issues with her only wanting me to hold her. She is fine during the day (thank goodness otherwise I would not be able to work) but when she is at home she just wants her momma. She is doing much better with Tommy holding her. Tonight my mom came over for a little while. She was actually able to hold her for a while and even got to give her some cereal. I was so excited for my mom!

There are so many more things I have thought to blog about but I'm way too tired to remember them right now. We had a busy weekend and I'm still trying to catch up.

9/8/09

labor day weekend


Tomorrow the wee one turns 4 months old. She had a Dr's appointment last Friday and weighed in at a whopping 11 pounds and is 23.5 inches long. She is momma's little bit. We had a pretty good labor day weekend. My 29th birthday was the 4th. Tommy grilled some yummy pork steaks and we had my family over for supper. Saturday we went to visit Kimberly, Josh and Jasper. It was a really good visit and we even got to spend some time with Kimberly's awesome parents. I only wish we lived closer because our time is always cut short with them. Kimberly was able to take some amazing pictures of Lucy. I have only seen two so far and all I can say is wow. Lucy did very well on the two hour trip up and back. The rest of the weekend was spent pretty close to home. We did hit one of the neighboring town's Labor Day celebrations.

Lucy was pretty fussy this weekend. I'm guessing the shots did not settle well with her this time. Also, I think the tooth is starting to move again. Those two things combined made for a unhappy baby. I spent a lot of the weekend holding her while standing up (the picture above shows how we spent a lot of our time together). Needless to say I did not get any of the housework done that I had planned on doing. Tommy was home so that was a huge help. He also switched his shift at work so he will now be home more often at night to help out. Despite the fussy times during the day she is still sleeping very well at night. She generally only gets up once and that is very early in the morning. Last week I started to add more cloth diapering to our schedule. We are now using cloth full time on the weekends and when she is at home. The only time she has a disposable on is when she is at the sitter's. I talked to her sitter last week about it and she seems on board with the switch. I'm not sure what I'm waiting for. The laundry has not been that bad at all. Tommy even stuffed a load of diapers for me over the weekend!

Wow, I just looked at the time. It's after 9:30 and I need to head to bed. I need my beauty sleep. Ha!

8/26/09

almost 4 months


Lucy is approaching the 4 month mark. It seems like she is changing each day. When I picked her up out of her crib this morning I told her that I was pretty sure she had grown a few inches overnight. She always gives me a big smile when she sees me peer over the side of the crib. Cute yes, but at 4:00 am mommy just wants to go back to bed before the alarm goes off for work. She is such a good little girl at night for me. She generally gets up once around 3 am to nurse. I'm probably up for about an hour total. Once she is done eating I burp her (still not the best burper) and lay her back down. She is generally wide awake and smiling at me when I put her down. I just wrap her up the best I can and lay back down. She babbles to herself until she falls asleep. She has slept through the night two times now. I'm hoping for more of those nights!!

Her little teeth have not popped through yet. They seem to have stopped moving for now. She has a Dr.'s appointment and her next round of vaccines next Friday. I will be anxious to see how much she weighs. I'm guessing between 10 and 11 pounds. She is a little thing yet. It is so exciting to watch her become more aware of the world around her. Last week she rolled from her tummy to her back for the first time. She looked at me after she did it and smiled. Precious. When she is playing with a toy she tries her best to get it in her mouth. Usually she just gets her hand in her mouth instead. She loves it when she is talked and sang to, unless she is trying to nurse or go to sleep. It seems we have a momma's girl on our hands. When Lucy is tired she just wants her mom. When she is in my arms she calms down almost instantly. It makes me feel great, but it also makes it hard on me. Poor Tommy thinks his daughter does not like him. I keep reassuring him that when she is tried she is just soothed by me holding her. With his work schedule he is around her during her fussy time and that really stinks.

We are still cloth diapering on the weekends. I have not been brave enough to transition to it full time. I love the diapers though and it has been going really well. I plan to make the transition in the next few weeks.

I suppose I should go to bed now while the little one is still asleep.

8/14/09

Lucy wants to say hello



Ignore my annoying high pitch voice. Lucy responds well to the high notes. :-)

8/2/09

weekend in cloth


Lucy will be three months old in a week. So far she has stayed in the same size of diapers since she was born. On Friday night I decided that I was going to just go for it and try out cloth for the weekend. I covered her little tush with one of the 24 colorful bumGenius diapers we have. We were actually away from home for the majority of the weekend and I did not have one leak or any other problem with the diapers. My only issue with them currently is that my wee one is just that, a wee little one. She is such a skinny little thing that the diapers are so big on her and I have to wrap them around her waist to the back. They seem a little bulky for now, but overall not too bad. It took a little time to get the hang of putting them because of the wrapping issue, but by today we had it down. I switched back to disposables for tonight and will probably use them the rest of this week. I have been having some issues with my milk supply so my evenings are spent caring for Lucy and trying to pump milk for the next day's bottles. It is taking me several pumpings to get enough for two bottles. Not fun. One night last week I was up pumping at 4 am. Like I said in a previous post though, I'm in it for the long haul and I will not give up on breastfeeding. I have talked with my Dr. and a lactation specialist and I think we have the problem figured out. Hopefully this week will be a little better. All that to say that I feel like I need to focus on that this week and not adjusting to diaper laundry every other night. I can put off other laundry, but stinky diapers can't wait!!

7/24/09

working on a tooth



Tomorrow Lucy will be 11 weeks old. I actually had to just count that up on the calendar because it didn't seem like it could be 11 already. Her most recent development is that she is working on her first tooth! Yep, 2 months old and she is teething. Last weekend she was not herself. I kept telling Tommy that if I didn't know better I would think she was getting a tooth. I didn't think that it could actually be true. She was fussy, drooling A LOT, not wanting to sleep or eat and when she did eat it was for short amount of times. Also, when she eats it started to feel like she has little razor blades in her mouth, yea-ouch. She was born with two little white dots on her lower gum. That is the spot where the tooth seems to be moving. My sister in law was actually the one who felt it and brought it to my attention. Now we are just waiting to see if it actually pokes through or stays like it is for a while. Thank goodness for Aunt Mindi or we would probably still be trying to figure out what is going on with her.

It is just hard to believe that our little girl is already growing up. Almost every day Tommy tells her that she needs to stop growing. I can't wait to see who she becomes but I really want to cherish these cuddly baby moments because I know they will soon be gone.

7/13/09

working for a living



Kimberly took this picture of me and Lucy a couple of weeks ago. I pretty much love it.

I have been back to work for a week now. It was not as horrible as I thought it would be. Lucy adjusted very well and did great at the sitter's. The sitter is pretty much family so that made the transition for me so much easier. I am able to go pick her up on my lunch hour to bring her home to nurse. It cuts my lunch hour way down, but I can't think of a better way to spend it. Actually I wonder what I used to do with all my time!

I think that it helps that I work/live in the same town. She is just a few minutes away if we need each other. :) Our mornings are going fairly well. This morning she wanted to get up around 5am and decided to be extra hungry so I had to nurse her twice before I left for work. That means I'm extra tired tonight and should be sleeping instead of blogging. I just wanted to pop in and say that we are surviving.

Lucy had her 2 month check up on the 10th. She is up to 9lbs 9ozs. The Dr. was happy with her weight gain. She also got her shots that day. I held her and just looked away. She wailed a tiny bit but overall she did very well.

I still need to pump some more tonight to fill up her bottles for tomorrow. Pumping is probably my biggest time issue right now. I feel like my day revolves around feeding my child! I will not give up on nursing though! I'm in it for the long haul. It's what's best for her. My job takes me out of the office a few times a week. I guess I'm going to have to figure out how to pump on the go! It is amazing how much your life changes and you don't even realize it. I would never have imagined that I would be planning my routes based on where I can find a spot to hook myself up to a pump. Ha! Well, I think that is enough booby milk talk for now. Sorry, like I said before, that is pretty much what my day revolves around.

I have some thoughts about being a working mom, but I will save them for another post where I am a little more coherent. I hope everyone is doing well!

6/23/09

growing



Six weeks. That is how old my baby is now. Last week I took her to my office and had one of the WIC nurses weigh her. She is up to 8lbs 8ozs! She is a growing girl. Finally she is fitting into a couple of her size 0-3 clothes, but not many. During the day she is spending a little more time awake. At night she is sleeping very well. Generally at least 4 hours but up to almost 7 at times. One thing for sure is that she really likes to be swaddled. When she busts out of it she wakes herself up. Usually I just have to wrap her back up and she is good to go. We have introduced the bottle since I will be going back to work soon. Sigh, back to work. I hate those words. I never thought I would like to be at home so much. I think most of the anxiety is not so much about being away from her but worrying that she will be too much trouble for her sitter. I have all the faith in the world in her sitter. I just worry about her crying too much or not sleeping or not taking her bottle. I guess that just comes with the territory. The good thing is that since I work in town I will not be too far away if she "needs" me. :) Well, she is crying and it sounds like she might be hungry so I guess I should wrap this up. Here is a picture of her today sporting her BabyLegs. Ah, so cute!

6/17/09

lucy live



Lucy likes to chill on her changing pad. She turns her head so she can either check out the pattern on the cover or look at herself in the mirror. Here I was able to catch a few little baby babbles.

bear with me

I am trying to change the look of the blog and I screwed something up. Hopefully I can figure it out soon. I really have no idea what I'm doing. Lucy is sleeping soundly right now, but I don't know for how long!

6/9/09

one month


It would seem that a month has already passed since Lucy was born. I do not have the energy to type much of a post right now. We are getting along great (most of the time) and enjoying getting to know her. I can't believe how much she is changing already. Such a sweetie.

5/27/09

life with a 2 week old


No doubt, our lives have forever changed. Who knew that such a little body could bring two people closer? I feel like I have fallen in love with my husband all over again. To see him hold his little girl makes me smile. I just peeked in her room and he was leaning over her crib watching her sleep and telling her goodbye. He is still working midnights and has to leave us soon. The plus side of that shift is that it has been nice to have him here in the mornings to give me a little break when he gets home.


Lucy is such an amazing baby. She sleeps 3-4 hours between eating. I am breastfeeding and that is going very well. She took to that right away when we were still in the hospital. I have ordered a breast pump so I hope to try to introduce her to the bottle soon. Although, I will admit I like that she is so dependant on me and only me right now for her feedings. I enjoy the closeness that it brings. My favorite feeding time of the day is the early morning hours. The light filtering through the windows and the birds chirping make everything seems so peaceful. It is just me and my little girl. My daughter. Oh, how long I have wanted to be able to say those words. We have been on a few outings and she is so content. She really likes stroller rides and has stayed awake for them so far.


Barbie has been such a good dog with her. We were worried how she would react to a new little person since she has been our baby thus far. When we got home with Lucy I sat down on the couch so Barbie could check her out. She jumped up on the couch, gave Lucy's head a quick sniff and lick and went on her way. That pretty much sums up how she has been with her. If Lucy is crying and I don't get to her quick enough Barbie gets nervous. She is however VERY protective of her new non furry sister. When there is someone here that Barbie does not know, especially a male, Barbie is on guard. There is one rather, um, gross story about Barbie and Lucy. I wasn't going to share it, but what the heck. Last Monday I carrying Lucy to her crib after a feeding. I heard something hit the hardwood floor. I turned around just in time to see that her cord had fell off and slid out of her pant leg. A split second later Barbie had snatched the cord and ran to hid under our bed with it. Tommy tried to get it from her but it was too late. We can only assume that she ate it. It's not like we were going to keep it, or anything. It just really grossed us out!!! Remington has only been around Lucy a few times. He is such a big and powerful dog that I have not let him get too close. I'm sure that in a few years they will be good buddies.


Tommy was home with me for the first week. He is such a wonderful dad. When we were in the hospital he jumped right in and changed most of the diapers and did all he could to help out. He listened intently while the nurses gave us pointers. For the first week he was the glue that was holding us together. It took me a few days to feel human after coming home. I really don't know how I would have made it through without him. My mom has also been such a support. She was home with us the first Monday and then she stayed home with us all last week. It was so good to have her here as well. She cleaned and organized a lot!! I seriously do not know what I would do without her. Hopefully she is not tired of my calling her and asking her questions yet.


Just a quick update on what is going on here. I think I'm going to try to get ready for bed and get a few zzz's before lil Lucy wants to eat again. Yeah, my bedtime is pretty much between 9 and 9:30 pm these days and I'm loving it!

5/21/09

it started with a trickle and ended with a wail

On Saturday, May 9th, 2009 I woke up around 7:30 and took the dogs outside. Since it was Saturday morning and I was really pregnant I decided that I would just go back to bed for a little while longer. Tommy had worked the night before and would be home around 9:00 so I thought I would just hang out in bed until he got home. I fell asleep watching Nickelodeon cartoons as usual for a Saturday morning and woke again at 8:45. I got out of bed faster than usual and as soon as I put my feet on the ground I felt something. There was something trickling down my compression socked feet. "Hmmm, I wonder if my water just broke?" I thought to myself. I just blew it off thinking I was just wishing that were the case. I went to the bathroom and there was more. (sorry if this is TMI but there will most likely be more of that in this post) Now I was really thinking that something was up. I started to panic a little. I immediately called Kimberly. Josh answered the phone and I told him that I really hated to bother her because I knew she was having a yard sale but I really needed to talk to Kimberly. She got on the phone and I explained what had happened. We talked for a few moments and decided that I should wait to see if I "leaked" more. I walked into the bathroom and there was for sure more fluid. We decided that I should call my Dr.'s office. Before I called the Dr. I called to check in with Tommy. I asked where he was and he said he was not too far away. I told him that was good because I was pretty sure that my water had broken and we were going to have a baby soon. Next, I quickly dialed the number for my Dr. and before I knew it was I explaining to the nurse what had happened. She agreed that my membranes had ruptured and I was going into labor. She said that she would call the hospital and let them know I was on the way. She asked if I had someone to drive me and I just chuckled and said, "Actually my husband is just getting home from working midnights." Perfect timing we agreed. I remember telling her that "this is not supposed to happen." She laughed at me and told me that it would have happened eventually. I agreed with her, but I just did not expect her to make her arrival so soon! I hung up with her and just stood there in the middle of the bathroom rather indisposed leaking. Tommy walked in and kind of laughed at me. I'm sure it was a site.

Tommy quickly jumped in the shower. I decided that I needed to wash my hair but I didn't want to get in the shower because at that moment I could not remember if I was not supposed to take a bath or was it a shower. I just decided that I would lean my head into the shower and he could wash my hair for me. I knew that I would feel so much better with clean hair. Once we were both all cleaned up I finally put some clothes on. That was a process. I had no idea what to put on. I finally opted for some black shorts so that my "problem" was not as obvious as I walked into the hospital. Tommy was flying around the house throwing things into our bags that were already semi-packed and in the car from our trip to the hospital on the 7th. Before I knew it my sister in law, Mindi was there and my mom and niece Clara were not too far behind. We were all just somewhat in shock. I went into the kitchen to grab my bottle of water and said, "I don't know what to do." I think it was my mom who finally said, "I do. You need to be getting in the car and going to the hospital." So, that is pretty much what I did. We put a blanket down on the seat and off we went. We first stopped at the gas station for an energy drink for Tommy and more Fiji water for me. He also grabbed a sandwich since he was just getting home from work.

After our pit stop, we started our almost hour drive to the hospital. At this point I was having contractions but they were more like cramps and tolerable. I remembered that I had downloaded contraction master on my iPod so I pulled it out to start recording. I also started to call just about every number in my phone. It helped me to keep my mind off of what was happening. I think Tommy and I were both in such shock that our little girl was coming that we barely remember the drive to the hospital. Before I knew it we were at the hospital. Tommy dropped me off at the front door and I walked, in leaking the entire way. He went to park the car and I got checked in. While I was standing at the desk a lady standing there said, "Oh, your feet look like mine did." I looked down at my horribly swollen feet. I noticed that even they were getting a little damp. "Please don't look at my feet," I thought to myself. The admitting clerk finally got me a wheelchair and Tommy got there. They took us up to the 3rd floor to the triage room where we had been two days before. The nurse asked me a few questions and gave me a gown to change into. She came with me to the bathroom to check things out. She took one look and said, "Oh, yeah, you are ruptured." Once I was changed they took me right to a room.

We were both very calm and just kind of laughing at the whole situation. Once in room #307 I got into the bed and settled in. My nurse (who was amazing and deserves a post of her own) started to hook up monitors and ask me questions. This was around 11:00 am. Before I knew it there was a MALE resident in my room to check things out. (This was the first time I was check by male throughout the pregnancy, but it actually didn't phase me.) I was 70% effaced and only 1 cm dilated. They put in a call to the on call Dr. Since my membranes had ruptured they would not let me get out of bed. That really sucked. I did not want to labor in bed, but I dealt with it. The contractions were getting stronger, but were still tolerable. The resident came back in and explained that since I was not more dilated the Dr. wanted to start pitocin. I told him that I really did not want to do that and asked if we could wait. He said that would be fine and we could wait a little while to see if I progressed any on my own.

Around noon my nurse, J, started to work on getting my IV started. Ugh, I HATE IVs. I think it goes back to my experience with the lumbar puncture and subsequent IV therapy. I told her that I'm usually a hard stick. She work very hard on finding a good vein to get it on the first try. Like I said, she was amazing. At this point my mom (who we had asked to be in the delivery room with us) and I had convinced Tommy that he really needed to get some sleep before things got too intense. He was happy to oblige and was out and moaning before long. Around 1:00 I had a blue-raspberry Popsicle. My aunt Paula called to check in on me. I told her that we were just waiting things out for a little while. My contractions were around 3 minutes apart at this point and getting stronger. At 1:25 pm the resident checked me again. Not much progress. He said that they wanted to place an internal monitor to see how strong my contractions were. He also said that we really needed to consider starting the pitocin to get things going. I asked if I could think about it. He said that was fine. I really did not want to have pitocin. In my mind I wanted no drugs and I was worried about stronger contractions. On the other hand I knew that since I had been ruptured since earlier that morning the clock was ticking and my baby girl was coming out one way or another. I turned on my side to get a little more comfortable. I talked over starting the pitocin with everyone and decided that it would be best.

Around 1:45 pm J came back with the pitocin. She joked about how some women just need to smell the stuff and they go down. Well, guess what, I'm one of those women. She had barely hung the bag on the pole and my contractions were really intense. By this time I was very quiet and Tommy was helping me to breath through the pain. He was an awesome coach. Around 2:20 pm I started to get really really hot. My mom and Tommy were freezing in the room. My nurse came back in and noticed that my demeanor had changed. The contractions were intense enough to bring tears to my eyes. J checked me around 2:45 pm. My mom's copious notes do not say if I had made any progress at this point. I was getting frustrated with myself and said, "This sucks, I thought I was stronger than this." Tommy was watching the contractions on the monitor. It was great because he was able to watch for a contraction and help me breath through it. At this point I was starting to get back labor. That really SUCKED. I decided that I wanted something to take the edge off the pain but I didn't want an epidural yet. I figured if I had something to give me a little break I would not be as tired later. J gave me some New Bane (sp?) around 3:00 pm. I had some in my IV and some in a shot. Whew, that was some crazy stuff. I felt intoxicated. The pain was still very much there but I just felt very much at ease between them.

They helped me to get comfortable on my left side and changed some of my bedding. By 4:15 pm I was having very strong back labor and steady contractions. J checked me again at 4:30 pm. I was at 4 cm. She asked if I needed anything for pain. I still wanted to hold out. I didn't last as long as I would have liked. J came back in before long and I looked at her and said, "I think I'm going to have to wimp out and get an epidural." She reassured me that I was not wimping out and said that she put in a call. It seemed like things got really intense then. I was having a hard time staying focused through the contractions. Tommy was right there in my face helping me but I still could not focus on staying calm. It just hurt SO BAD. I felt like I was being ripped apart. The Dr. came in to place the epidural and Tommy and my mom had to step out. That was by far the worst part of the day. I was still groggy from the New Bane and I was in so much pain that I was having a hard time sitting up and over the bed. J was right there in my face the entire time helping me to stay focused through the pain. I was all too familiar with needles in my back so that didn't really bother me. I was more worried about holding still so that nothing went wrong and I had to endure another spinal headache!! Before I knew it the torture was over and I was started to feel numb. Oh, how glorious it was indeed. J asked how I was doing at one point. I told her I was fine. She just smiled and informed me that I was having a very strong contraction. I was glad that I had waited though so that I was able to have the experience of labor.

5:00 pm: While my mom and Tommy were out of the room waiting she called a few people to update them. She reported that Casey and Kimberly were going crazy waiting to hear how things were going and that they were proud of me. I felt a little down on myself for getting the epidural but I decided that it was what was best for myself and my little dumpling. By 5:30 p.m. my mom and Tommy were back in the room. My mom's notes say that I was much more at ease. 5:45 pm I was trying to rest. Dr. B came in around then and checked my progress. Still at 4 cm. At this point I started to shake really bad. I could not hold still. I was trying to catch up on Twitter updates on my iPod and listen to music but I was shaking so bad that I thought I would drop it. I finally gave up and just laid there. J kept checking in on me and told me to let them know when I stared to feel pressure. She had told me earlier in the day that I needed to have the baby before 7:00pm because her shift ended then. Well, a few minutes before 7 I started to feel something. I called for J and she came in to check me. She got a big smile on her face and said it was good news. I was at 9 cm!! She kind of laughed and said she guessed she was working over. My mom was on the phone with my sister in law, Mindi at that time. They were trying to decide when to pick up my dad and head to the hospital. When J announced that I was a 9 Mindi decided that was a good time to make the trip.

J told me to let them know if I felt more pressure. Everything happened so quickly after that. According to my mom around 7:20 I felt more pressure and called them. All of the sudden lights and mirrors were coming out of the ceiling and there were a lot more people in the room. Besides Tommy and my mom there was the resident from earlier that day, a med student, my nurse J, and the Dr. I guess there was at least one nurse waiting for dumpling as well but I don't really remember.

At 7:53 pm I started to push. Wow, that was hard. Not that it hurt, it was just really difficult to tell where to focus the pushing. My mom had one leg and held the back of my head and Tommy had the other leg. Everyone kept telling me how great I was doing. I did pretty good through the first two sets of pushes but by the third I was too out of breath most of the time to do much good. They kept encouraging me. Finally dumpling started to show us that she had dark hair. It took me a little while to focus in the mirror and see what they were talking about. Once I could see her head that gave me all that much more to focus on. I was able to better focus my pushing. Finally her head was right there and almost out. I knew that with the next set of contractions I was going to push her out. All of the sudden it was happening. At 8:40 pm there she was, little dumpling was out, Lucy Ella was alive and wailing to let us all know that she was fine.

Someone said, "It's a girl," and I was relieved. Deep down inside I was somewhat worried that she would turn out to be a he. They asked if I wanted her on me before they cleaned her off. Um, of course I do. They my squirmy, crying, goo covered little daughter on my chest. I stroked her little head and told her hello. I expected to cry like you always see women do on TV. I didn't. Honestly I think I was still in shock from the entire day. Sure, I knew that it would happen eventually, like the nurse on the phone said, but I just wasn't ready for it 16 days early. They took her and cleaned her up. She weighed in at 6 lbs 8.8 oz and was 20 inches long. She was a healthy little girl. Her daddy and grandma were right by her side with the cameras to record her first few moments outside the womb. The "team" finished up with me. I only had a small little one stitch tear to take care of. Before I knew it my little Lucy was cleaned up, swaddled and back in my arms. I could not believe it was finally happening, I was holding my daughter. After all the heartbreak of last year I was holding the child we so longed to have. Our family was complete. There are so many more stories to tell about our first few days as parents, but I think I have babbled on long enough. I'm sure that most of you (all 4 people who read my blog) could care less about all the nitty gritty details of my labor and delivery but I wanted to get it down while I could still remember what happened so that I can day share it with Lucy. She is amazing and her daddy and I are sure proud of her. Everyone says that she looks like her daddy and I would have to agree. We can't wait to watch her grow and change. For right now we are soaking in every moment of baby love that we can.

5/12/09

little pea pod

Just a little update. We came home Sunday night. We got home around 11:00 pm. It was a long ride home, including a stop at a gas station to eat. We didn't time our discharge too well considering we are an hour away.

Everyone is doing good. She is eating very well and is actually wanting to eat right now so I suppose I should go. I just had to post this picture that Tommy took at the hospital. We think she is as keeper!

I will hopefully post later this week about her arrival. Thanks to everyone for all the well wishes. We feel so loved!!

5/10/09

meet Lucy

Born May 9, 2009. 8:40 pm, 6 lbs 8.8 ozs, 20 inches long. 16 days early!!

5/7/09

well that was fun...

Per my Dr.'s orders I have been having someone check my blood pressure twice a day at work. Until today everything was fairly normal. Today my afternoon blood pressure was over the magic number that she told me to watch for and call her office. Well, I made the call waited for them to get back to me. I really expected her to just want me to recheck the pressure and rest. I was wrong. the nurse called me back and said that my Dr. wanted me to head into labor and delivery to be check out and monitored. Crap. I really did not want to hear that. I was at work and it took me a few minutes to gather my thoughts, throw everything into my desk and let my co-workers know what was going on.

I called Tommy and woke him up to let him know I was on the way home and we were going to the hospital. We quickly grabbed a few things, just in case, and headed out. I think that was the longest drive ever. We got to the hospital and went to the admitting desk. They put a bracelet on my arm and got a wheelchair to take me upstairs. I told her that I didn't need it, but apparently it is protocol. They set us up in the triage area. I was hooked up to the monitors to watch lil dumpling and monitor contractions. Of course there was also the awful blood pressure cuff. Lab also came and drew several vials of blood. Tommy sat there being supportive and trying to stay awake. Poor guy didn't get much sleep before we had to leave. Time went by fairly quick. Little one was very active during the whole thing. My blood pressure stayed low as well. I was starting to feel a little silly for being there, but I was just doing what I was told. I did notice contractions while I was laying there as well. A resident finally came in to talk to me. She said that all of my labs were normal and everything else looked fine. She was going to put in a call to the on call Dr. and see what she said. She asked how I was feeling and I told her I was fine but I was pretty sure I was having contractions. She asked how far apart they were and I said that I wasn't really sure since I didn't have a clock to go by. I kind of thought that is what the monitor was for? They checked that out and decided to go ahead and check me to see if I had made any progression. I was the same as I had been on Monday at my Dr. appointment. So, they call the Dr. and she said to send me home. The resident came back in and explained a few things to me. Honestly she made me feel bad for going there. She explained the best way to take my blood pressure. I told her that I was not doing it at home, rather I was having NURSES check it at work. I know she did not mean anything by what she was saying and was just doing her job, but I felt let down. I felt like I did something wrong. It's not like I really wanted to leave work early and drive an hour away just to be sent home for nothing.

I am very thankful though that I'm typing this post from my home and my little girl is still safely in my womb. As they say it is always better to be safe rather than sorry...

5/4/09

37 week update

Today we had our 37 week appointment. My blood pressure was fine. My Dr. was not too concerned about the swelling in my feet. She agreed that they were really bad, but as long as my protein levels and BP looked good she said that there is nothing to worry about. She asked if I had headaches or blurred vision. I told her that I have been experiencing some blurry vision lately. With that information she just asked me to have the nurses at work check my BP at least once a day and call her if it gets too high. I'm praying that it stays in the normal range so that she does not see a need to induce me, which she mentioned. Yikes. I'm officially dilated to 1 cm. Baby's head is down and at the zero station. I'm not thinned out yet though. Hopefully next week will show more progress.

Tommy and I went to our childbirth/Lamaze class on Saturday. I guess you could say that we enjoyed our day. It was a long day, especially for Tommy, but I think it was worth it. When we were doing relaxation/breathing exercises (only a small part of the day) we could not look at each other without laughing. I felt like the class clown. We had a nice time being away. We went out to eat and did a tiny amount of shopping. I looked for some shoes to wear. As of right now I only have 1 pair of flip flops that I can even fit my feet into. Yes, I have to wear RED shoes no matter what color of shirt I'm wearing. Oh, well. My feet hurt so bad when we were in the last store that I actually started to cry, right in the middle of Gander Mountain. Talk about embarrassing!

Right now I'm laying on the couch with my compression sock encased feet propped up on a few pillows. I'm doing my very best to drink a ton of water and not do too much. It is oh so hard though when there is so much I want to do before lil dumpling decides to join us. I did my first load of baby clothes yesterday. Until now my mom has been washing everything for me at her house. Yes, I have the best mom ever. Next up to wash is the cloth diapers. We don't plan on using them at first but I want to have them ready to go for when we transition to them. Hopefully I can get that done tomorrow.

I have really enjoyed being pregnant, but I must say that these last few weeks have been less than enjoyable. I think that if I didn't have the extreme swelling to deal with I might not feel that way. It will all be worth it so soon. Meeting the little one squirming around inside my belly is pretty much all I can think about at this point.

4/30/09

36+ weeks

Earlier today I had a blog post rolling around in my head. Right now though it would seem that pregnancy brain has kicked in and I can't remember what I wanted to write about for the life of me...


This weekend Tommy and I finally have our birthing/Lamaze class. It is all day on Saturday. Since we are an hour away from the hospital, we decided to stay up there tomorrow night so that we don't have to get up so early on Saturday morning. I guess you could say that this is our last little getaway sans baby. I'm looking forward to spending some time with Tommy. He has been working straight midnights for longer than I can remember now. He also works most weekends. This means that there is little time left for "us". It has not really been too bad until the last few weeks. I'm am really not able to do much at all once I get home from work. My feet have now become something that I no longer recognize. I pretty much come home from work and try to keep them up as much as possible. There is so much that needs to be done, but my body is telling me that I need to just slow down and take it easy.


Lil Dumpling is still fairly active despite the fact that she has to be out of room. I am down to weekly Dr. appointments and everything has been right on track at them. Our dogs seem to know that something is up. If I move an inch Barbie is on alert. The other day when I was walking around the yard with Remington. He came over to me and nuzzled up to my belly. He did that several times and then finally left me alone. I half thought that maybe I was going to go into labor soon because he NEVER does that. Alas, I did not. I guess everyone is very excited to meet the little one!!


I'll end with a picture of me that Tommy took today on my lunch hour. I don't look all that great, but hey I'm over 36 weeks pregnant so what do you expect?

4/15/09

let the countdown begin

According to my baby countdown timer there are only 40 days left until my due date. Um, how in the world did that happen? It seems like the weeks are going by so quickly now. Monday I have my last 2 week appointment. The following week I will start my weekly Dr. visits. It's starting to get real folks. Lil Dumpling is so active these days. Tommy gets a kick out of talking to her and feeling her intense kicks and rolls. All I can say is that I'm so excited to be a mom!! It will not be long now!

3/24/09

that time of year

This is hands down my favorite time of year. Everything is coming back to life. The grass is bright green and the flowers are blooming. I LOVE IT!! Having a nice lens for my camera has been such a blessing this spring. Although I must admit it is very difficult to get in the correct position to take some of the pictures I want. Here is a peek at some of the beautiful things in my world right now. If you want to see more check out my Flickr page. http://www.flickr.com/photos/moxey/

3/10/09

a year ago

It has been a year ago today that I went to a routine OB appointment and heard the three words that no expectant mother ever wants to hear, "There's no heartbeat." I have cried so many tears since then. I heard many times that time will make it easier. Yes, that is true. I don't cry every time I think of the baby that I never held. However, not a day goes by that I don't think of him or her. There are so many "what ifs" that can be said here but I won't. I think back to the pain I felt going through the loss, both physical and emotional and know that it made me a stronger person. When I was at my lowest I never would have believed that in a short year I would be 29 weeks pregnant.

Lucy is moving so much these days. Just a short time ago her movements were just little bumps and flutters. Now they are full on kicks. I was in a meeting at work Monday morning and she gave me a good kick in the side. One of those that makes you jump and lose your breath for a split second. I grabbed my side and just smiled. My boss stopped talking and just laughed. I LOVE feeling her move and never get tired of it. I told Tommy tonight that I am amazed at how quickly her movements became more noticeable. I said I can tell there is an actual human in there now instead of giant worms or some alien like creature. It seemed like the transition was overnight. She is very noticeably human now. Her little butt and feet poke out the side of my stomach and it makes me smile and giggle every time. I'll endure the pain in my ribs because I know that means she is strong and healthy. It is all getting very real.

My mom gave me one of my shower gifts early this weekend. She bought us some of our cloth diapers. I was so excited to get them. I got to show them off to everyone that was not quiet sure about the whole cloth diapering thing. Everyone was surprised at how different they are than what they thought of a cloth diaper. They are so stinking cute! Sure there are still some people who have their doubts. I do realize that it is an adjustment. There are going to be challenges no matter what kind of diaper I put on my child's rear. I get frustrated when people think I'm naive and don't realize "what I'm getting into." I'm not just talking about diapers. I feel sometimes like people think I'm a young uneducated person that knows nothing. Sure, I have never had a child of my own. Sure, there are going to be times where I feel lost and need help. I realize all of these things. However, I do not need to be constantly reminded of that. I am looking forward to motherhood more than I ever thought I would. I am just tired of hearing all of the negative aspects of it. I have been waiting to have a child now for about two years. I have been through so many ups and downs. It is time to focus on the positives. I didn't expect this post to turn into a rant about the comments I have gotten lately. Most of the comments have come for people I don't even know. I guess they have gotten to me more than I realize.

All I can say is that a year ago I would have given anything to make those three words go away. I wanted everything to be different. I know now that God had other plans for us. Our little one is gone but never forgotten. I just wanted to take this opportunity to remember our little angel. Also, I want to say thank you for everyone who has been so supportive throughout the healing process. I would not be where I am right now without your help.

Wow, this post did not go at all where I thought it would. That is why I love blogging. I can get my thoughts out there and out of my head. I must end now so that I can pack. For the next two days I will be away for a work conference. I'm really not looking forward to sitting in all day meetings. Yuck.

3/1/09

just checking in


This post will be short because I burned my fingers earlier tonight. I lifted the lid off the kettle in the oven to check supper. I angled it the wrong way and burned my two of my fingers on the steam. Yeah, it still hurts, BAD.


I just wanted to write a quick post to say that I'm still here. Life has been somewhat hectic lately. It has thrown a lot at us lately and we are doing our best to work through it all. I won't get into everything on this blog, at least not at this time. I will say that Tommy and I have had to face a situation that I never thought we would have to. We could really use continued prayers as we work through things. If you want to know how to specifically pray for us, send me an email and I'll fill you in.


Everything with the pregnancy is going good. Lucy is getting stronger. I was trying to explain to Tommy what it feels like to feel her move. All I could come up with at the time was that it feels like a giant worm twisting around. He gave me a strange look. I guess it is different for every woman and every pregnancy. This weekend Tommy was off for a few days. We were able to get some things hung up in her room. Her room is coming together and we are so excited about it.


It seems that all of the sudden I'm in the 3rd trimester. Wow. Everything seems to be going so fast now. I'm finding that everyday things are getting more difficult for me. Tommy and I spent some time this weekend looking for a new front load washing machine. After only two stores I was exhausted. My body lets me know when it is time to rest. Tommy is being so supportive and watches my every move. He makes sure I'm drinking and eating enough, two things I still struggle with. I feel so blessed to have him by my side.


Well, I'll end this post here as I need to refill washcloth with some ice cubes. I hope that everyone is doing well.

2/11/09

diapers, a furry best friend and the orange drink


We (I) have made a decision that we are going to use cloth diapers for Lucy. Yours truly, who hates doing laundry, decided that it was the best thing for us all around. Tommy was supportive no matter what I wanted to do. For some reason it scares me to make such a decision. Kimberly has been using cloth diapers for a few months now and loves them. It helps knowing someone who is currently having success with them. I'm sure that I would not have taken the plunge otherwise. It is amazing the reaction I get from people when I tell them about going cloth. I think a lot of people do not realize how different diapers are today. I think they are so stinking cute and I can't wait to see them on Lucy. Yes, the laundry will be something that I have to get used to doing more of, but there will be a lot of new things that I will have to adjust once she is here. Tonight I finally started an online registry for them. I guess that was my way of committing to the decision. We will be using the bumGenius 3.0 diapers.
As I type this post Barbie is laying on the arm of the couch behind me. She has her head resting on my shoulder and I'm laying my head on her back. She has been such a little cuddle bug lately. She knows that something is going on with me. Almost on a daily basis she will sniff my belly as if to say hello to the little one. Tonight I was in Lucy's room doing some organizing. Barbie came running in with one of her toys in her mouth as if to say, "Okay, enough of playing with the baby things. My turn!" I threw the toy a few times and moved on to something else in the room. I sat down in the rocking chair and she came running over and immediately wanted on my lap. I laughed as I got a mental picture of myself with Lucy in one arm and Barbie in the other. It shall prove to be an interesting adjustment for all of us.
Monday is my next Dr.'s appointment. My mother and I both have the day off for President's day so she is going with me. At that appointment I have to do the glucose test. The bottle of the lovely orange drink has been sitting in my fridge haunting me since my last appointment. I'm just praying that I past and I don't have to do the 3 hour test!
I think this is about all I have the energy to type for now. I'm hoping for a comfortable nights sleep!!
**I'm have troubles getting my post to look the way I want it. Sorry if it is difficult to read.

2/5/09

growing

Tonight is the first night all week that I have not fallen asleep shortly after supper. It would seem that pregnancy is starting to kick my butt. Every day it seems like my stomach grows a little more. When I seem my reflection I'm almost surprised by what I see. Of course with an expanding midsection comes the sore back, troubles getting comfortable while sleeping, difficulties bending over and the list goes on. One thing that amazes me is that while I continue to get larger my weight gain has stayed low. I attibute that to my general lack of appetite. When I am hungry I try to eat fairly healthy, so I guess that helps to keep the weight under control. Something that I am really struggling with is drinking enough. I have always been really bad at getting enough water during the day and now when it is more important than ever, I'm not any better. However, I have been drinking chocolate milk by the gallons. I can't get enough!! Between Tommy and I we go through 2 gallons of milk (he drinks white, I drink chocolate) in a few days. At least I'm getting calcium. I'm anxious to see what the next 15 and a half weeks bring. Here is a picture of me last week at 23 weeks 2 days.

1/24/09

reading and such







Growing up I loved books. One of my favorite past times was reading. As I got older and life got a little more busy I didn't find as much time for pleasure reading. Now that I'm expecting I look forward spending time reading to her. I had my mom gets some of my old books down from their attic. I was excited to dig through the box and search out my favorites. The one I was most excited about was "Mr. Bell's Fixit Shop". I had searched for it online only to find out it was of course out of print. I found it on a few websites for $20-$30 but that seemed a tad steep for a children's book. The book was in the box from the attic. Sadly it has seen better days. The front cover is tattered and the back cover is missing, but all of the pages are there. I have been reading "Oh, Baby, the Places You'll Go!" to Lucy. People may think I'm crazy but she starts moving when I'm reading. My aunt who works with an early childhood program, said that they give that book to all the expecting moms. One lady said that when she read it to her baby after it was born it responded. How cool is that. Sure it could be a coincidence but research shows that babies do hear in the womb so maybe there is something to it? Whatever the case may be, I am enjoying bonding with her through reading.


In other news I had my monthly Dr.'s appointment on Wednesday. They did another ultrasound to take a look at her heart and face since they didn't get a good look last time. She appears to be perfect. I asked my mom and grandma to go along since Tommy went last time and we really can't afford for him to take off work. We had a good time and did a little shopping after the appointment. It hit me that there were 4 generations on that little trip. One of them was in my belly, but she was there. I look forward to many more days like that.

*Blogger is being contrary right now and is not letting me move my pictures, so I guess they will both have to stay at the top of the page. Annoying.