frozen in time

Have you ever had one of those moments where you are completely frozen in time and can't move no matter how much you want to? You know you should be doing something, anything to help but you just have not idea what that might be? I had one of those moments yesterday. Let me back up a little bit.



My parents (my dad really) have been looking for an older Jeep to buy and fix up. They found one that fit the bill last week and my dad brought it home yesterday. Tommy and I decided that we would go check it out. My dad wanted me to take some pictures before he started any work and I was happy to oblige. I was really excited when we got there and saw that the Jeep was white. I have always wanted a Jeep especially a white one. Perhaps it is because of the movie Clueless. Anyway, I took a few pictures then we ate some dinner. Afterwards, Tommy and my dad went out to look under the hood to see if they could get it started. My mom and I walked around the yard looking at her flowers and once again looking for interesting insects for me to take pictures of. We didn't find anything. We headed back to the front of the house to see what the guys were up to. As we got to the driveway we heard the sound of the Jeep starting. We looked at each other in surprise. Wow, that didn't take long, I thought to myself.



Then it happened. It all happened so fast. I saw flames shoot out from underneath the hood and the next thing I knew my dad was on fire. ON FIRE. Oh, my gosh, my dad is on FIRE. His head was flaming as was his torso. I stood there on the sidewalk watching in horror not having a clue what to do. I had the D40 around my neck and part of me wanted to snap a picture, but I thought that was disturbing to take a picture of my dad burning. All I could think was that the Jeep was going to blow up with my husband still in it. You see Tommy was sitting in the driver's seat turning the key while my dad was under the hood putting gas in the carburetor. Tommy said he had no idea what was going on. He just heard my dad yell and knew something wasn't right. I hear my mom yell, "Roll on ground, Jay. Roll on the ground!!!!" I snapped back to reality and remembered, Stop. Drop. And Roll. My dad ran across the driveway and rolled on the ground. I remained right where I was motionless and about ready to throw up in my mom's flower bed. Tommy jumped out of the Jeep and my mom ran to get the hose to put out the flames under the hood. My dad, no longer flaming, yelled "You don't use water." He ran into the garage and got a tarp or something. The flames were out. Except for the ones that were now in the driveway. Tommy went over to stomp them out then his shoes caught fire. He said it wasn't but that's all I saw from the spot I was stuck to. On the sidewalk.



My dad went inside and my mom followed. I stood there for what seemed like forever then I just started to shake. What the heck had just happened? My dad's head was on fire. What? It was like something from a movie. I made sure Tommy was okay. My mom came back out and I asked how he was. She said that he was in the shower. "What should we do?", she asked. I just stood there and said I have no idea. I have seen that safety video at work so many times, yet I could not remember any of it. You never think you might actually have to use that information, right? We agreed that he needed to go to the ER. We went inside to see how he was. He said that he was fine and didn't need to go anywhere. He got some clean clothes and then came back out to the kitchen. I could see singed hair on the back of his head and his cheek was already peeling. He took a drink and I noticed his hand trembling. He looked at me and asked if I got pictures. I just kind of chuckled and told him that I didn't because I really didn't know what to do at the time. He laughed and sat down at the table. He started to put on his shoes. I knew he realized he needed to go to the ER.



He told us what had happened. When the engine started it backfired and the gas he was pouring in caught fire. It startled him so he jumped back and the gas in the cup he was holding spilled. This caused a chain reaction of fire. He chuckled and said that is why you don't use a whole gas can. As he smiled I could tell his cheek was already causing him pain as the skin pulled. He finished putting on his shoes and he and my mom left for the ER. They came back a little while later. The ER doctor had told him that he was very lucky and it looked to be just a superficial burn. They want him to follow up with his doctor on Monday. They gave him a salve to put on his face, ears and hands. Remarkably his shirt showed no signs of burn marks. It smelled horribly of gasoline, but no marks. Luckily he was able to put the fire out so quickly before caused any more damage to his skin.



Looking back, part of me wished I had taken a picture. I realize that sounds sick, but if you could see what I saw you would know that Someone had their hands on my father yesterday. Wow. Thank you God. I did get one picture as the flame flickered out under the hood. If you look closely to the bottom right of the photo you can see the flames in the driveway as well and you can see the reflection on my mom's car. Crazy. So, this is my moment where time froze and I had no idea what to do, what's yours?


My dad is doing okay today. My mom reports that his face looks dirty from burnt skin and his right ear has a blister on it the size of a grape. He has been sitting inside most of the day, but doesn't seem to be in much pain. As for the Jeep, it is resting inside the garage waiting for another day to be worked on...

a long overdue post

As I sit here on my front porch listening to the sound of the John Deere cut the grass for the second time this week, I can't help but smile. Tommy is so excited about his new lawn mower. I'll admit that I am as well. Our yard is starting to shape up. Now he will have more time to pull weeds and the other things that I have let go undone this summer. I can't even remember the last time I pulled weeds. My poor flower garden. The vegetable garden does not look much better. I guess it has been a combination of things that have distracted me from my normal garden routine. Lately it has been travel and beads that have kept me away.

A few weeks ago I had the opportunity to have a "Lil' Moxey Jewelry" open house at a friend's. I took all of my beads over there and the "customers" picked out what they liked and told me what they wanted made. I came away feeling very overwhelmed and excited about the 30+ pieces I had to make. To date I only have a few said items completed. Tonight I finished one of the most time consuming necklaces I have ever done. I am really pleased with the way it turned out. Now I want to finish all my other orders so I can do more like that one just not as long.

This past weekend I had the chance to go see Kimberly and Sondra. We had a lots of laughs and did some damage to the bank accounts (at least I did). It was so nice to finally see Sondra in person. I don't really remember the first time I really had contact with her. I can remember her comments on Kimberly's blog and flickr. I always thought whoever that is seems really sweet. Well, I was right. She is just like I thought she would be, super awesome. When I woke up Saturday I was a little nervous. I felt like I was going on a blind date or something. I was a little worried that I would be like a third wheel or something (which is funny because Sondra blogged that she was worried that she would be a third wheel). Kimberly and Sondra had been planning to get together for a while and I just kind of somehow weaseled my way into their plans. Well, I'm so glad I was a little weasel. I foresee road trips in our future. There have even been talks of camping. Yeah. It was so good to just have some girl time. I was much overdue for that. Kimberly and Sondra have summed up our weekend so well so check out their blogs if you want to know more about it.

I came away from the trip feeling refreshed but also sad. I was sad to be leaving my good friends after only a day. I wish we lived closer. Good thing we have the Internet to keep us in close contact. I was also sad because I got to feel Baby Knight move. I chose to put my hand on Kimberly's belly. I wanted to. She is my bestest friend and I am beyond excited/happy for her and Josh. But it is so hard to not be sad at the same exact time. Ugh. Why can I not just be happy? Why do I have to constantly think about myself? Yeah, it's normal and blah, blah, blah but I don't like feeling this way.

When I got home from my trip north Tommy and I headed South in my dad's truck to go look for/buy a new lawn mower. It was long over due. We got the one he had been looking at on the Internet and headed back home. On the way I had a emotional meltdown. Lots of things on my mind. The emotions of the weekend had gotten to me and there are some other things that I will write more about later. I cried for about 10 minutes and finally calmed down. We take the country way for most of the trip. Tommy kept asking if I wanted to stop and take pictures of the wildflowers. (Insert shoulder shrugs and "I don't cares.") he finally pulled over and I was able to get a few shots. That cheered me up a little. Taking pictures definitely takes me to that happy place. I like to pretend that I work for National Geographic (dream of mine) or Discovery. Not that I am anywhere near talented enough or have nice enough equipment for that, but that is not the point is it? It is all about what makes us smile. And I like smiling.

So that is what I have been up to lately. Now I need some help from all of you out there. I would really like to plan a trip for Tommy and I. I have tossed around several ideas. They range from Southern IL-Rend Lake area (Karen any suggestions?), Nashville, Pensacola, FL or pretty much anywhere else within driving distance. I just feel like we need to get away for a little vacation and some time together. I welcome any and all ideas. Thanks.

scene from the Moxey house tonight

Tommy: Are you sitting in your bead room on the computer?
Me: Yep!
Tommy: Great, I'll never see you again now that you have a laptop.
Me: Don't be so dramatic.
Tommy: You'll be in here making a necklace and chatting with Kimberly at the same time.
Me: You never know.
Tommy: It's called multi-tasking.

stormy weather make me think

It's storming tonight. We have not seen a storm like this in a while. It seemed to come out of nowhere. Isn't just how life is? The wind was blowing like crazy and the lightening and thunder was constant. Tommy was glued to the weather channel. I used to enjoy storms but now not so much. I told Tommy they were more exciting when I didn't have to worry about my house and everything in it. Funny how life changes as we get older.

I have been coping fairly well lately. Last week I had a few nights of crying but overall things are looking up. Not a day goes by that I don't think of my little one. As my "due date" gets even closer I find it difficult to not feel sad. I honestly thought I would be pregnant again at this point. It is so hard to not dwell on the fact that I am not. I worry that maybe the baby I lost will be the only one I will ever be blessed with. I do not know what God holds for my future and I am trying to be patient. That is a lesson I really struggle with. I feel like I have let Tommy down. I know he will be such an amazing father and I want so bad to give him that opportunity. As each day passes we grow closer and I appreciate him more. I thank God for bringing us together and I feel so blessed to be his wife. He loves me more than I ever imagined being loved. I know that I have been difficult to live with/understand for the past five months and he has been right there the entire time.

I still get the pitter-patter feelings when I'm around him. He makes me laugh and that has been so crucial to me getting through each day. I also appreciate him working so hard in this brutal heat. When his co-workers go home early because of the heat, he stays. I tell him over and over he does not have to do that, but he does. Hopefully the next few months will continue to improve. No matter what I know I have my best friend by my side.

Here is a poem that says a lot of what I am feeling right now. I came across it on this website. I can not even begin to imagine what this family is dealing with right now...

Please Be Gentle

By Jill B. Englar

Please be gentle with me for I am grieving.
The sea I swim in is a lonely one
and the shore seems miles away.
Waves of despair numb my soul
as I struggle through each day.
My heart is heavy with sorrow.
I want to shout and screamed repeatedly ask 'why?'
At times, my grief overwhelms me
and I weep bitterly,
so great is my loss.
Please don’t turn away
or tell me to move on with my life.
I must embrace my pain
before I can begin to heal.
Companion me through tears
and sit with me in loving silence.
Honor where I am in my journey,not where you think I should be.
Listen patiently to my story,
I may need to tell it over and over again.
It’s how I begin to grasp the enormity of my loss.
Nurture me through the weeks and months ahead.
Forgive me when I seem distant and inconsolable.
A small flame still burns within my heart,
and shared memories may trigger
both laughter and tears.
I need your support and understanding.
There is no right or wrong way to grieve.
I must find my own path.
Please, will you walk beside me?