being a mom

Before I was a mom I always knew that there were sacrifices that parents make for their children. Now that I've had the privilege of being a mommy for 6 months I know just what that means.  When I was pregnant I can remember laying in bed at night, trying to fall asleep between my numerous trips to the bathroom, wondering how I would cope with the lack of sleep when she was born.  Six months in and I don't think I've had more than 3 hours of sleep at a time.  There are few reasons for this: my husband's sleeping habits, our dog Barbie and Lucy.  Surprisingly I have adjusted to the lack of a full night's sleep. Generally I can make it through the day without feeling like total crap. Amazing how the body can adjust.  I guess it pretty much has to. 

Today I had to be out of town for a conference for my job. I had to be out of the house an hour earlier than normal and got home an hour later than normal.  That is the longest I have been away from my baby since she was born.  I thought for sure I would be fighting sleep by the end of the day, but I was totally fine.  I think the change in routine did me some good!!  Being gone all day also presented the issue of pumping on the road.  I took advantage of the morning and afternoon conference breaks do run out to the car and do this.  I have done this before but this time I had my mom's car and the windows are not tinted as dark as they are in my car.  I was creative and managed to be discreet.  At least I think I was!!  When I was sitting out in the freezing cold I had a good chuckle.  I thought about how ridiculous I must have looked with my jacket on backwards.  I also thought about all the time that I have put into pumping.  Lately I have been struggling with my supply again.  Seems to be an ongoing battle for me.  I still do not have a back up supply.  Most days I have to top off her bottles at lunch with the milk from my morning pumpings.  By now I figured that I would be able to keep up and even be ahead.  Is there anyone out there who has had similar issues?  Is there anyone who is even still reading this blog?  Ha! My goal is to breastfeed until she is a year old.  It is such a part of my daily routine now and I'm not ready to give up.  I will admit though that I look forward to the day when I can be away from her for a few hours without worrying about bottles and pumps! 

I'm not the first mommy to sacrifice time, sleep, sanity for their children and I will not be the last.  I think about my chidhood and how wonderful my mom was and it makes me smile. I know she gave up a lot to take care of my brothers and I.  Heck, she still does.  She's the kind of mom I want to be.  We are closer now than we ever have been and I think that is pretty neat.  I love you mom thank you for all you do/have done for my little family. You're the best.

a few of the things on my mind

I still can't believe that I'm pregnant.

This lack of appetite is really getting to me. Nothing sounds good. Food tastes different. I basically have to force myself to eat.

Sleeping has not been easy either. I'm tired all day, but I can't sleep at night.

I wish Tommy wasn't on afternoons this week.

I'm so thankful for my mom. She really helped to motivate me today and get some things accomplished around the house.

I get excited each time the phone rings thinking that it might be Kimberly letting me know that she's in labor. So excited to meet Baby Knight!

I still have 6 more days off until I have to go back to work.

When I go back to work on Monday I only have to work 1/2 day then I get to go see my Dr. for my first prenatal visit.

I'm very anxious about that visit.

I really need a haircut. Good thing I have an appointment this week.

I've been missing my high school friends and I wonder what they are up to.

Maybe I should "try" to go to bed now.

that time of year

It's that time of year again. It is cold outside and nice and cozy inside. Barbie curls up next to me to stay warm. When we go to bed at night she noses under the covers and makes her way to the bottom of the bed and sleeps there for most of the night. In the morning she stays curled up on the bed while I get ready. So many mornings I just want to stay in bed curled up right next to her. Barbie has been such a comfort to me in the past few months. She is my little buddy. I'm thankful for her companionship.

a long overdue post

As I sit here on my front porch listening to the sound of the John Deere cut the grass for the second time this week, I can't help but smile. Tommy is so excited about his new lawn mower. I'll admit that I am as well. Our yard is starting to shape up. Now he will have more time to pull weeds and the other things that I have let go undone this summer. I can't even remember the last time I pulled weeds. My poor flower garden. The vegetable garden does not look much better. I guess it has been a combination of things that have distracted me from my normal garden routine. Lately it has been travel and beads that have kept me away.

A few weeks ago I had the opportunity to have a "Lil' Moxey Jewelry" open house at a friend's. I took all of my beads over there and the "customers" picked out what they liked and told me what they wanted made. I came away feeling very overwhelmed and excited about the 30+ pieces I had to make. To date I only have a few said items completed. Tonight I finished one of the most time consuming necklaces I have ever done. I am really pleased with the way it turned out. Now I want to finish all my other orders so I can do more like that one just not as long.

This past weekend I had the chance to go see Kimberly and Sondra. We had a lots of laughs and did some damage to the bank accounts (at least I did). It was so nice to finally see Sondra in person. I don't really remember the first time I really had contact with her. I can remember her comments on Kimberly's blog and flickr. I always thought whoever that is seems really sweet. Well, I was right. She is just like I thought she would be, super awesome. When I woke up Saturday I was a little nervous. I felt like I was going on a blind date or something. I was a little worried that I would be like a third wheel or something (which is funny because Sondra blogged that she was worried that she would be a third wheel). Kimberly and Sondra had been planning to get together for a while and I just kind of somehow weaseled my way into their plans. Well, I'm so glad I was a little weasel. I foresee road trips in our future. There have even been talks of camping. Yeah. It was so good to just have some girl time. I was much overdue for that. Kimberly and Sondra have summed up our weekend so well so check out their blogs if you want to know more about it.

I came away from the trip feeling refreshed but also sad. I was sad to be leaving my good friends after only a day. I wish we lived closer. Good thing we have the Internet to keep us in close contact. I was also sad because I got to feel Baby Knight move. I chose to put my hand on Kimberly's belly. I wanted to. She is my bestest friend and I am beyond excited/happy for her and Josh. But it is so hard to not be sad at the same exact time. Ugh. Why can I not just be happy? Why do I have to constantly think about myself? Yeah, it's normal and blah, blah, blah but I don't like feeling this way.

When I got home from my trip north Tommy and I headed South in my dad's truck to go look for/buy a new lawn mower. It was long over due. We got the one he had been looking at on the Internet and headed back home. On the way I had a emotional meltdown. Lots of things on my mind. The emotions of the weekend had gotten to me and there are some other things that I will write more about later. I cried for about 10 minutes and finally calmed down. We take the country way for most of the trip. Tommy kept asking if I wanted to stop and take pictures of the wildflowers. (Insert shoulder shrugs and "I don't cares.") he finally pulled over and I was able to get a few shots. That cheered me up a little. Taking pictures definitely takes me to that happy place. I like to pretend that I work for National Geographic (dream of mine) or Discovery. Not that I am anywhere near talented enough or have nice enough equipment for that, but that is not the point is it? It is all about what makes us smile. And I like smiling.

So that is what I have been up to lately. Now I need some help from all of you out there. I would really like to plan a trip for Tommy and I. I have tossed around several ideas. They range from Southern IL-Rend Lake area (Karen any suggestions?), Nashville, Pensacola, FL or pretty much anywhere else within driving distance. I just feel like we need to get away for a little vacation and some time together. I welcome any and all ideas. Thanks.

sleepy silliness

Tommy is a sleep talker. Tonight I woke him up and had him go to bed. I went in and kissed him goodnight. Here is the conversation we had.

T: That was awesome.
J: What?
T: Our kiss.
J: Okay.
T: There should be a button for that that says, "Awesomeness".
J: A button for what?
T: Our kiss.
J: You mean like a button you wear.
T: Yeah.
J: What would you do with this button?
T: Wear it when you cook.
J: (laughing so hard at this point that I'm crying) Okay.

I started to walk out of the room and he calls me back.

T: Where are you going?
J: You are talking silly so I'm going to watch TV.
T: Well, scratch my back first.
J: Okay.

I scratched a few times and he fell back asleep. I love it that even in his sleep he makes me laugh.

warm weather and nothingness

I ran across this picture of a much younger me sporting my strawberry 'kini. Ah, those were the days...

It's been too long since my last blog. I wish I could say that I have been off on some amazing vacation but that would be a lie. My life has not been much different lately. I go to work, come home, eat supper and go to sleep. That's pretty much it. Emotionally I have been better. I think about my little one every day and ache because of him/her. At least it is not consuming my every thought anymore.


Tommy and I are "trying" again. I was just so sure that we would get it on the first try but that didn't happen. I ended up going through an entire box of pregnancy tests a few weeks ago. I tested very early because I could not stand it. Tommy kept telling me to wait until day 18 post ovulation to see if my temperature was still high but I couldn't do that, impatient much?. It was disappointing to keep seeing only one line. I was just so sure that it would happen. Alas, here I sit anxiously waiting to start the whole pregnancy thing over again. I don't look forward to the morning sickness but it is all so worth it.

My garden is doing well. The unexpected pumpkin vine is ginormous. Seriously. I have never grown one before so I have no idea what to expect. Tommy has been busy fixing up our boat. It is the boat that my parents got when I was little. I have so many fond memeories of family outings on that boat. My grandpa used it for several years and then it has been resting at my brothers. Tommy got it a few weeks ago and has been working on getting it water ready at a friend's house. I'm somewhat excited to see the finished product. It will be fun for us to have a little boat to go out on and go fishing. Summer is finally here and that makes me happy. I'm looking forward to the 4th of July weekend and a day off. We don't have any plans as of right now other than a little block party with some of my neighbors tomorrow night. I hope that everyone has a safe and fun-filled 4th!

cheerios and ice-cream

Tonight I left Barbie at my grandma's while my cousin and I ran some errands. When I got back to pick her up this is the conversation I had with my grandma:

G-ma: Barbie thinks her cholesterol is high.
Me: What?
G-ma: She thinks she has high cholesterol so she had to eat some Cheerios.
Me: Great. That's just what she needs.
G-ma: She really liked them. hohoho (that's how my grandma laughs, a little more high pitched than Santa though)


Of course what she did not tell me is that she also gave her some cheese. I guess that is better than the crackers and butter that she generally tries to feed her.

In other news did you know that they have lactose FREE ice-cream? I didn't. I was so excited when I saw it that you would have thought that it said "instantly lose 10 pounds" on the carton or "$100 bill in each serving". Seriously though, the thought of eating a bowl of ice-cream without taking a pill made me want to dance a little jig. Sometimes it really is the little things in life. Thanks Breyers!!

why argue?

One reason why I love my job is that you never know what a senior is going to say. Today I was on a home visit with one of my client's. She welcomed me into her home and as I stepped through the threshold she said, "What did you do?" I panicked for a second thinking I stepped on her cat. She proceeded to say, "You look thinner. Have you lost weight?" I chuckled and told her that I think I've gained weight since I last saw her. She disagreed and I just smiled and thanked her. Maybe it was the tall shoes, the black shirt or the fact that the house was so dim that she could not really see all that well. Hey, a compliment is a compliment and I take 'em when I can get 'em.

baby bird

A few days ago, Tommy and I discovered a baby robin in our yard. I was worried one of the neighborhood cats would get it, but so far so good. When the rain finally broke this evening I decided to try to get a few pictures of it. Right when I walked out the door I saw momma flying down to tend to her baby. When I got closer I realized the poor thing was all wet. I felt like I should try to dry him off. I suppose that his momma is taking care of him and he will be alright as soon as he can fly. I'm just glad that she is staying by his side, rain or shine. Isn't that how we all should be? No matter what the weather is like, we need to stay by the ones we love, caring for them. Funny how nature can give us subtle reminders.

afternoon on the farm

Yesterday my great uncle Butch called me to see if I would visit him sometime soon to take pictures. Tommy was out turkey hunting (this is his first year and he got one today!) so I told him that we would come out once he got back in. We headed out after lunch. Butch walked around with us and pointed out the things he wanted me to capture. I snapped a few here and there that he didn't point out as well. He is hoping to use a picture or two for Christmas cards. It was interesting to learn about the variety of plants he has. He told me that he took a botany class at Greenville (he was a Business major) and really enjoyed it. He and his late wife always planted a large and very productive garden and beautiful roses. They won many ribbons at the local county fair. While we were walking around it was evident that he misses getting out and working with the plants. We really enjoyed our afternoon and I hope to go back soon. I hope that the pictures I took can bring a little bit of joy to him. It made me appreciate being young and able to do the things that bring joy to my life. Sometimes we need those little reminders.

Earth Day '08

Earth Day has been around since the early 60's but I think it is getting more recognition this year than ever. Yesterday when I was shopping with my mom, I had at least 2 sales clerks mention something about it. I guess I somewhat sparked the conversation when I told them I didn't want a bag, but still. Everywhere you look people are promoting "green" products. Even a certain women's unmentionables store has products that have some catchy green slogan plaster across the backside of shirts and shorts. I am not the best at recycling or taking quick showers, but I do try my best. Happy Earth Day '08. I encourage everyone to do a little something today for this amazing planet that God has blessed us with.

yummy new beads

Hi. My name is Jessica and I'm a beadaholic. I have long been obsessed with crafting. My grandmother is the person who I can give credit to for my craftiness. She taught me to embroider, something that I still enjoy. My love for making jewelry did not start until a few years ago. I decided that I wanted to make the jewelry for my wedding. Tommy and I were at an antique store and he found a necklace that he liked. We bought it and I restrung it and also made a matching pair of earrings. You can get an idea of it here. It all went downhill from there. I was hooked. Anytime I was at a store that sold beads I had to see what they had. I started to build up my stock pile. My mom told me about a craft bizarre her office was having. I started to make things for other people and they liked them! It is so rewarding for me. It is also a creative outlet for me. I tend to leave things laying around, but Tommy has gotten used to that. He has informed me on several occasions though that when we have a baby I will have to keep my beads picked up. Last summer my wonderful mom helped me to paint my front porch to make it into my "studio". I love having a space to keep all my supplies. I even got a label maker for my birthday to help me to get organized. Kimberly helped me to add to the growing supply when she went with me to the Bead and Button Show last year. Wow, talk about sensory overload. It was so much fun though.


Tonight I had two high school girls come over with their prom dresses in tow. I am designing jewelry for them. It is exciting to have enough of a stock pile so that my "client" can see what catches her eye. I love working with people to come up with something that they love. I can't wait to start working on them. Last weekend I got my newest issue of Bead Style in the mail. I sat down and poured over all the pretty designs. One of the features is all about green beading. I was very excited to see links to sites that sell various green beads. I really liked what Happy Mango Beads had to offer. The picture above is what I got in the mail today. They are so pretty. Now I just need to force myself to stop being lazy and get some things done. My mom's office is having another bizarre on May 1st. I need to get busy!

NWTF

I'm sure you are thinking, "What in the world does NWTF stand for?" I was not really that sure until this weekend. Sometime last week Tommy asked me if I wanted to go to the turkey banquet on Saturday. My gut response was, "no" but I said I would think about it. I called and talked to my sister in law Mindi. She is on the committee and had all the details. My parents were going and taking my niece with them. I finally decided that it might be good to get out of the house and do something different. It was an all evening event that included raffles, a silent auction, door prizes, a live auction and of course food. I was actually shocked by the number of people there. I would guess there were close to 200 in attendance. It cost $60 to get in the door. That covered food, drinks (soda for me thanks), a few door prizes, membership, and I think a magazine. Right away we "had" to spend another $120 on an envelope of tickets for the raffles. This was the first time either of us had been there so we followed my dad's lead. I later realized that my mom didn't know that my dad had also spent money on the extra envelope. I got a good laugh out of that one.

There were lots of kids there as well. The NWTF is a big supporter of youth. They have a membership for kids called "Jakes". There were drawings for the kids. My niece Clara, who just turned 1 last week, won the drawing for a gun. I know she will learn how to hunt as soon as she is old enough. After we ate, they did the live auction. There was something like 35 items. There were a lot of paintings. Once the live auction was over they did the raffle items. They start off with the "bonus" items or the larger ticket items. The second number they drew was ours. I couldn't believe it. That meant that Tommy had second choice out of something like 6 guns. Woohoo. He knew exactly which gun he wanted. I was glad because that meant that we won a gun worth over $400 for the $180 we had spent on tickets. Totally worth the evening out. Also, this means that hopefully he will be happy for a while now that he has 3 guns. It is worse than women with shoes. Hunters can never have enough guns. I will never understand. The drawings continued and we won a cooler on wheels and a NWTF knife/multi tool knife set. It is actually pretty cool looking because it is a metallic orange. My parents came away with a tackle box and a folding table thing. All in all, it was a good evening. We didn't get out of there until after 10. Will I go again next year? Maybe. Now we get to look forward to Thursday when we can go pick up the gun at the local gun shop. Darn wait period...

Why did I write about this? I guess I have always kind of turned my nose up at these kinds of things. I grew up in a house of hunters but never got into it myself. I married a hunter and I still do not like it. I'm not against it or anything. Matter of fact I fixed a deer roast for dinner tonight. I just can't stand to watch hunting shows and I get really bored when we are shopping for sporting goods. I'm glad though that I stepped out of my comfort zone for an evening and shared something with my family that they really enjoy. I guess I need to be more open minded about things at times and this was a good lesson in that.

in the mail

I hope that everyone had a nice Easter weekend. Our family did. We celebrated our niece Clara's 1st birthday on Saturday. Sunday we spent at my grandparents and ate tons of yummy food. I only had a few emotional breakdowns so that was good. I went back to work last Thursday and then I had Friday off. It was not too bad going back to work, but I was thankful to have a three day weekend. Physically I have had my ups and downs. I ended up back at my Dr. on Wednesday. My stomach was really bothering me. I called my Dr. to see what they thought. The nurse called me back and said my Dr. wanted to see me. Luckily my sister in law was able to drive me there. Thanks, Mindi! After an exam my Dr. said that everything looked okay after my surgery. She pressed on my stomach, which really hurt, and said that she wanted to have some labwork done. She also ordered an ultrasound of my gallbladder and liver. After all that the results came back normal. I'm thinking that I was unlucky enough to catch some type of virus with everything else that I was going through. Seriously, could one more thing be wrong? Friday, on my day off, I decided to do a little shopping. I found a few things. Then I had an eye appointment for a visual field test. My vision saga is something that I have not written about on here yet. I'll save that fun time for another day. ha. I am anxious to feel better physically so that I can try to focus on healing mentally.


Today I got some things in the mail that made me smile. I ordered a book last week from Amazon that appealed to me. Hopefully there will be something in it that helps me to get through this. I also got some new beads that I ordered. Now I just need some motivation to create some exciting new pieces. Another thing to smile about today is that my hubby is back on day shift for 4 weeks. Of course he falls asleep before 7 every night and is out of the house before 1:30 every morning, but at least he is physically here. It makes the evenings much more bearable. I have rambled on enough for now. Thanks for "listening".

new carpet

I could not be more excited right now. We are getting new carpet in the living/dining room. I have hated the ugly, brown, old carpet since we bought the house. We were lucky that the rest of the house had nice hard wood floors under existing. I was so disappointed when we saw that the living room only had three strips of hardwood on one side. I'm not really sure what happened there. I guess maybe they ran out of money or something. Anyway, yesterday we went and picked out our new carpet/laminate (that will go underneath the table). Hopefully they will be installing the new flooring this week. It will make the living room seem so much cleaner. It was really really difficult for me to just sit back and not be able to really do anything. I really appreciated my mom coming over to lend a hand to Tommy. I don't know what we would do without her! Even one of the neighbor's helped to move a couch. I got in "trouble" for trying to lift something. It really wasn't that heavy. For now our things are scattered throughout the house and in the garages/basement. Thankfully we still have a spare room we can cram full of stuff. I got a little nervous when the TV and Internet were not working. My hubby came to the rescue and got a temporary set up for me. I told him that I can't sleep without my TV.

syrup and chips

On my way home from work yesterday I stopped by the store to pick up a few items we needed for supper. While standing in line waiting my turn I hear a voice behind me say, "That's an interesting combination." I turned around to see an older lady smiling at me and pointing at my maple syrup, bacon and BBQ chips. I politely smiled and said, "Well, I am pregnant." She responded with, "Well then you have every right, honey." I guess I needed to justify my purchases to her.

hoping my day gets better

I have not had such a good start to my day so far. First of all, I woke Tommy up late again today. This time it was 45 minutes late. He doesn't really have to be at work that early so at least he will not be in trouble. I felt nauseous when I woke up. I hoped in the shower hoping that would make me feel better. Ha. The first thing I did was try to wash my hair with my face wash. I stood there wondering why it wasn't lathering up like usual. Seriously it took me like a minute to figure out what was wrong. Then I got sick in the shower. In the shower. Sorry if that grosses you out, but there was really nothing I could do about it at the time. Oh, and did I mention that it snowed last night. I went to take Barbie out before bed and I stop in my tracks when I got on the front porch and looked out the window. I thought I was seeing things. I guess I need to watch the news more so I expect these things. I am somewhat scared to even get dressed this morning.....

crazy Illinois weather

It is no wonder that everyone is sick. On my lunch hour today it was around 60 degrees. It was windy, but not that cold. When I left the office after 4:00 this afternoon my driver's side door was almost frozen shut. Now it is in the 20's and snowing! Seriously.

Days like this make me long for spring.

It's my first time, go easy on me

I have been wanting to start a blog for some time now. I have tried more times than I can count to keep a journal but that never lasts long. I figure since I spend so much time on the computer anyway, why not write down my random thoughts for all the world to read. There is something freeing about putting your thoughts and feelings out there. I am not poetic or a deep thinker so do not expect to be inspired. What you see is what you get.

I have been married for over a year now. Hard to believe. Time really does fly when you are having fun. I love being married. It is wonderful to know that you are loved even when you wake up in the morning with wild hair and no makeup. Tommy loves me. I don't need a million reasons why. I just know he does. More about that later.

I look forward to posting on a (hopefully) regular basis. Thanks for reading.