that time of year

This is hands down my favorite time of year. Everything is coming back to life. The grass is bright green and the flowers are blooming. I LOVE IT!! Having a nice lens for my camera has been such a blessing this spring. Although I must admit it is very difficult to get in the correct position to take some of the pictures I want. Here is a peek at some of the beautiful things in my world right now. If you want to see more check out my Flickr page. http://www.flickr.com/photos/moxey/

a year ago

It has been a year ago today that I went to a routine OB appointment and heard the three words that no expectant mother ever wants to hear, "There's no heartbeat." I have cried so many tears since then. I heard many times that time will make it easier. Yes, that is true. I don't cry every time I think of the baby that I never held. However, not a day goes by that I don't think of him or her. There are so many "what ifs" that can be said here but I won't. I think back to the pain I felt going through the loss, both physical and emotional and know that it made me a stronger person. When I was at my lowest I never would have believed that in a short year I would be 29 weeks pregnant.

Lucy is moving so much these days. Just a short time ago her movements were just little bumps and flutters. Now they are full on kicks. I was in a meeting at work Monday morning and she gave me a good kick in the side. One of those that makes you jump and lose your breath for a split second. I grabbed my side and just smiled. My boss stopped talking and just laughed. I LOVE feeling her move and never get tired of it. I told Tommy tonight that I am amazed at how quickly her movements became more noticeable. I said I can tell there is an actual human in there now instead of giant worms or some alien like creature. It seemed like the transition was overnight. She is very noticeably human now. Her little butt and feet poke out the side of my stomach and it makes me smile and giggle every time. I'll endure the pain in my ribs because I know that means she is strong and healthy. It is all getting very real.

My mom gave me one of my shower gifts early this weekend. She bought us some of our cloth diapers. I was so excited to get them. I got to show them off to everyone that was not quiet sure about the whole cloth diapering thing. Everyone was surprised at how different they are than what they thought of a cloth diaper. They are so stinking cute! Sure there are still some people who have their doubts. I do realize that it is an adjustment. There are going to be challenges no matter what kind of diaper I put on my child's rear. I get frustrated when people think I'm naive and don't realize "what I'm getting into." I'm not just talking about diapers. I feel sometimes like people think I'm a young uneducated person that knows nothing. Sure, I have never had a child of my own. Sure, there are going to be times where I feel lost and need help. I realize all of these things. However, I do not need to be constantly reminded of that. I am looking forward to motherhood more than I ever thought I would. I am just tired of hearing all of the negative aspects of it. I have been waiting to have a child now for about two years. I have been through so many ups and downs. It is time to focus on the positives. I didn't expect this post to turn into a rant about the comments I have gotten lately. Most of the comments have come for people I don't even know. I guess they have gotten to me more than I realize.

All I can say is that a year ago I would have given anything to make those three words go away. I wanted everything to be different. I know now that God had other plans for us. Our little one is gone but never forgotten. I just wanted to take this opportunity to remember our little angel. Also, I want to say thank you for everyone who has been so supportive throughout the healing process. I would not be where I am right now without your help.

Wow, this post did not go at all where I thought it would. That is why I love blogging. I can get my thoughts out there and out of my head. I must end now so that I can pack. For the next two days I will be away for a work conference. I'm really not looking forward to sitting in all day meetings. Yuck.

just checking in

This post will be short because I burned my fingers earlier tonight. I lifted the lid off the kettle in the oven to check supper. I angled it the wrong way and burned my two of my fingers on the steam. Yeah, it still hurts, BAD.

I just wanted to write a quick post to say that I'm still here. Life has been somewhat hectic lately. It has thrown a lot at us lately and we are doing our best to work through it all. I won't get into everything on this blog, at least not at this time. I will say that Tommy and I have had to face a situation that I never thought we would have to. We could really use continued prayers as we work through things. If you want to know how to specifically pray for us, send me an email and I'll fill you in.

Everything with the pregnancy is going good. Lucy is getting stronger. I was trying to explain to Tommy what it feels like to feel her move. All I could come up with at the time was that it feels like a giant worm twisting around. He gave me a strange look. I guess it is different for every woman and every pregnancy. This weekend Tommy was off for a few days. We were able to get some things hung up in her room. Her room is coming together and we are so excited about it.

It seems that all of the sudden I'm in the 3rd trimester. Wow. Everything seems to be going so fast now. I'm finding that everyday things are getting more difficult for me. Tommy and I spent some time this weekend looking for a new front load washing machine. After only two stores I was exhausted. My body lets me know when it is time to rest. Tommy is being so supportive and watches my every move. He makes sure I'm drinking and eating enough, two things I still struggle with. I feel so blessed to have him by my side.

Well, I'll end this post here as I need to refill washcloth with some ice cubes. I hope that everyone is doing well.

diapers, a furry best friend and the orange drink

We (I) have made a decision that we are going to use cloth diapers for Lucy. Yours truly, who hates doing laundry, decided that it was the best thing for us all around. Tommy was supportive no matter what I wanted to do. For some reason it scares me to make such a decision. Kimberly has been using cloth diapers for a few months now and loves them. It helps knowing someone who is currently having success with them. I'm sure that I would not have taken the plunge otherwise. It is amazing the reaction I get from people when I tell them about going cloth. I think a lot of people do not realize how different diapers are today. I think they are so stinking cute and I can't wait to see them on Lucy. Yes, the laundry will be something that I have to get used to doing more of, but there will be a lot of new things that I will have to adjust once she is here. Tonight I finally started an online registry for them. I guess that was my way of committing to the decision. We will be using the bumGenius 3.0 diapers.

As I type this post Barbie is laying on the arm of the couch behind me. She has her head resting on my shoulder and I'm laying my head on her back. She has been such a little cuddle bug lately. She knows that something is going on with me. Almost on a daily basis she will sniff my belly as if to say hello to the little one. Tonight I was in Lucy's room doing some organizing. Barbie came running in with one of her toys in her mouth as if to say, "Okay, enough of playing with the baby things. My turn!" I threw the toy a few times and moved on to something else in the room. I sat down in the rocking chair and she came running over and immediately wanted on my lap. I laughed as I got a mental picture of myself with Lucy in one arm and Barbie in the other. It shall prove to be an interesting adjustment for all of us.

Monday is my next Dr.'s appointment. My mother and I both have the day off for President's day so she is going with me. At that appointment I have to do the glucose test. The bottle of the lovely orange drink has been sitting in my fridge haunting me since my last appointment. I'm just praying that I past and I don't have to do the 3 hour test!

I think this is about all I have the energy to type for now. I'm hoping for a comfortable nights sleep!!

**I'm have troubles getting my post to look the way I want it. Sorry if it is difficult to read.

growing

Tonight is the first night all week that I have not fallen asleep shortly after supper. It would seem that pregnancy is starting to kick my butt. Every day it seems like my stomach grows a little more. When I seem my reflection I'm almost surprised by what I see. Of course with an expanding midsection comes the sore back, troubles getting comfortable while sleeping, difficulties bending over and the list goes on. One thing that amazes me is that while I continue to get larger my weight gain has stayed low. I attibute that to my general lack of appetite. When I am hungry I try to eat fairly healthy, so I guess that helps to keep the weight under control. Something that I am really struggling with is drinking enough. I have always been really bad at getting enough water during the day and now when it is more important than ever, I'm not any better. However, I have been drinking chocolate milk by the gallons. I can't get enough!! Between Tommy and I we go through 2 gallons of milk (he drinks white, I drink chocolate) in a few days. At least I'm getting calcium. I'm anxious to see what the next 15 and a half weeks bring. Here is a picture of me last week at 23 weeks 2 days.