12 weeks 1 day

I'm almost at the end of the first trimester. Hopefully that means I will be feeling better soon. I have been sleeping a little better. I accredit that mostly to the Snoogle. My awesome mom got one for me a few weeks ago. It took me no time at all to fall asleep that first night. All night I don't think I moved a muscle. Barbie is not so sure about the new addition to our sleeping arrangements. She can't get as close to me as she normally does. For that same reason Tommy is not so fond of the pillow either. For me though it is totally worth it.

Another comfort item that I have added to my daily routine is maternity pants. Ah, yes the large expanding waistband. Love it! Although to date I have still only lost weight my body is slowly changing and I even have a little bit of a baby belly (as one of my co-workers so kindly pointed out a few weeks ago.) Tommy and I hit a major sale one day and I bought some work pants. I had them altered and viola my work wardrobe is comfortable again.

Tommy has been so supportive these past few weeks when I've been feeling not up to par. He has been cooking a lot of our meals. This week he is back on afternoons so I guess that means I'm back to fending for myself. That wouldn't be so bad if I actually had an appetite. When it is time to eat I stand in the kitchen and almost cry (actually did cry one night) because nothing at all sounds good or even looks appetizing. Sure there are those times when I get so hungry that I need food NOW. Most of the time, especially in the morning, I have to force myself to eat. I guess this is just all part of the miracle of creating life. I just want to be as healthy as possible for my baby.

As I end this trimester I have been thinking a lot about my last pregnancy. At this point last time I had no idea anything was wrong. No idea that the child I carried in my womb was no longer alive. For that reason I have not been able to rest easy with any little cramp or pain I feel. The other night as I tried to fall asleep I was having some pain in my right side. I cried and told Tommy that I can't go through "that" again. All I can do for now is rest in the fact that God is in control and wait for my next appointment for some reassurance. I still think of the child we lost on a daily basis. I'm guessing that will continue for some time. The pain is easier, but still there and still VERY real...