being a mom

Before I was a mom I always knew that there were sacrifices that parents make for their children. Now that I've had the privilege of being a mommy for 6 months I know just what that means.  When I was pregnant I can remember laying in bed at night, trying to fall asleep between my numerous trips to the bathroom, wondering how I would cope with the lack of sleep when she was born.  Six months in and I don't think I've had more than 3 hours of sleep at a time.  There are few reasons for this: my husband's sleeping habits, our dog Barbie and Lucy.  Surprisingly I have adjusted to the lack of a full night's sleep. Generally I can make it through the day without feeling like total crap. Amazing how the body can adjust.  I guess it pretty much has to. 

Today I had to be out of town for a conference for my job. I had to be out of the house an hour earlier than normal and got home an hour later than normal.  That is the longest I have been away from my baby since she was born.  I thought for sure I would be fighting sleep by the end of the day, but I was totally fine.  I think the change in routine did me some good!!  Being gone all day also presented the issue of pumping on the road.  I took advantage of the morning and afternoon conference breaks do run out to the car and do this.  I have done this before but this time I had my mom's car and the windows are not tinted as dark as they are in my car.  I was creative and managed to be discreet.  At least I think I was!!  When I was sitting out in the freezing cold I had a good chuckle.  I thought about how ridiculous I must have looked with my jacket on backwards.  I also thought about all the time that I have put into pumping.  Lately I have been struggling with my supply again.  Seems to be an ongoing battle for me.  I still do not have a back up supply.  Most days I have to top off her bottles at lunch with the milk from my morning pumpings.  By now I figured that I would be able to keep up and even be ahead.  Is there anyone out there who has had similar issues?  Is there anyone who is even still reading this blog?  Ha! My goal is to breastfeed until she is a year old.  It is such a part of my daily routine now and I'm not ready to give up.  I will admit though that I look forward to the day when I can be away from her for a few hours without worrying about bottles and pumps! 

I'm not the first mommy to sacrifice time, sleep, sanity for their children and I will not be the last.  I think about my chidhood and how wonderful my mom was and it makes me smile. I know she gave up a lot to take care of my brothers and I.  Heck, she still does.  She's the kind of mom I want to be.  We are closer now than we ever have been and I think that is pretty neat.  I love you mom thank you for all you do/have done for my little family. You're the best.

1/2 year

Lucy is now 1/2 a year old.  The days are going by so quickly.  She is sitting up now fairly well on her own.

She is eating veggies like a champ. Fruits on the other hand she does not care for.  We have attempted banana, apples and pears so far. All of which she pushed back out and gave us a face such as:

I've got pears on reserve in the freezer for when she decides that fruits are no longer yucky. In a few days I'll give another fruit a go.  Any suggestions?

She continues to do very well during the day at the sitter's.  She gets to spend the day with her cousin which I think is pretty special.  I can already see a bond forming between them.  Going to work is becoming a little more difficult for me at times.  There are days when I just want to stay home and play. My evening are soooo short.  Lucy does not nap much during the day so by around 6:30 at night she is pretty much spent and wants to nurse and go to sleep.  Until recently she has been pretty much sleeping through the night.  Sleeping through the night in Lucy terms is until around 5:30.  This past week she has been waking up sometime in the middle of the night wanting to eat.  I'm guessing it has something to do with a growth spurt.  Hopefully she will get over that soon!  All that to say that I do not have much time to spend with her in the evenings and that makes me sad. There have been a few mornings that I shed a few tears before I left for work. It's hard leaving her, but it makes me feel better when I take her the sitter's and she smiles and reaches for her.  I know she is in excellent hands and is happy.

We are still cloth diapering full time. I love it. I do a load of diapers every other day. 

She is primarily wearing size 3-6 month. There are still a few 0-3 in her closet that fit but they really should be packed away because they are summery.  Last week I got all of the next size up clothing washed. It's fun to go through all the clothes and make new outfits.  Then there are the shoes.  Oh, for the love of cute little tiny pink shoes. Help me. I see an addiction coming on.

Lucy does really well when we are out and about. This past Saturday the girls in my family went on our annual outing for my grandma's birthday. Every November for over 20 years we have been getting together.  We go somewhere different every year.  We have shopped the various malls from St. Louis to Chicago.  Several years ago we took the train to Chicago and stayed the weekend.  It was an adventure to say the least.  It is always a great time full of laughs.  The past couple of years we have scaled down the shopping and just gone to eat at different tea rooms.  It was so neat to be able to bring my daughter along for the first time.  Here is a picture of our group this year. Mindi, my sister-in-law, is the only one missing out of it because she was taking it. 

It is so incredible to watch the bond between Lucy and her dad develop. Tommy has been around more now that he is not working midnights and is enjoying having more time to spend with her. 

It has been an incredible 6 months.  Tonight when I was laying her down I paused to look in the mirror while she was still in my arms.  It is just so much to take in that she is mine and only 6 months ago she was brand new to this world.  How did I get so lucky?  There are still a lot of days that my heart is heavy for the baby that I lost.  It is something that I have not talked much about. I thought that having Lucy in my life would make the loss easier.  It has but at the same time it is almost more difficult.  I can't really put it into words right now and I don't want to bring down this post.  God has blessed us so much over the 6 months and I can't wait to see what the next 6 brings.  Excuse me now, I must go take a peek at my sweet little girl....

green beans and videos

We tried out the high chair for the first time tonight. As you can see she is a very good eater. Here she is eating green beans with a little cereal.

Just for fun here are a few links to some videos of Lucy on YouTube:

Lucy rolling over for the first time.

(I was so surprised to actually catch her first time rolling over on video. You can hear the surprise in my voice. She has been rolling from her belly to her back since August, but this (10-6-09) was the first time from her back to her belly!)

Lucy eating acorn squash.

(My mom is feeding her acorn squash for the first time.  As you can tell she is a fan!)

Lucy laughing at Barbie.

(Lucy thinks Barbie is pretty funny and Barbie likes to entertain.)

more food for Lucy

This weekend I tried my hand at making some food for Lucy. I bought some fresh veggies from a local farmer on Friday. That night I dove right in and cooked some butternut squash. It was super easy to do and just a little messy. It did not take that long at all and the savings are tremendous! We now have Lucy portions of butternut squash, sweet potatoes and acorn squash in the freezer. It was a lot of fun for me to do. I feel so good about taking a little time out to make something healthy for my little one.

I'd say she's worth the extra effort. Wouldn't you?

not giving up

The other day I mentioned that I was having a hard time keeping up with Lucy's daytime feedings. Fast forward to today and she is now eating cereal twice a day and taking at least one 8 ounce bottle at the sitter's. The other bottle she takes is 5 ounces. Another ounce goes with her cereal. Um, yeah that is a lot of ounces and momma is having a difficult time.

When I was pregnant with Lucy I knew that I wanted to breastfeed. In my mind there was not another option. It has been such a stressful thing for me lately, but I'm not giving up. At the beginning of August my supply drastically dropped. I spoke with my Dr. and a lactation consultant from the hospital where I delivered. After some discussion we decided that it was best for me to stop taking birth control. It did not take long at all for my supply to jump back up. Now here I am two months later in a similar situation. I called the lactation consultant again today. We discussed a normal day for Lucy and I to try to figure out what I can do. Basically I'm already doing everything that she suggested. She said that I could try to take an herb called Fenugreek. After doing a little research I decided to give it a try. I am set on not giving her any formula even if it means that I have to get up in the middle of the night to pump!! The down side to being so dedicated to this is that I feel like my life revolves around my boobs. I'm constantly thinking about when I need to pump again or when Lucy will want to nurse again. It is wearing me down. I feel like I have not been very attentive in the other areas of my life. I don't even remember what I ate for lunch today. Most of the time when someone is talking to me I have to make an effort to pay attention to what they are saying. I'm not myself and it sucks. Is it worth it? Absolutly. Will we get over this hump? Sure. Will I be a little out of sorts until then? Most likely. Bear with me friends and family it might be a little rough for a while.